Matchday 10: I need a system

Folks, I'm failing you. Clearly, the pressures of being a normal working human and writing a blog on time are more than I can cope with and it's not good enough. I owe you all an apology, and I'm going to put my head down and come up with a new system so results don't back up like this.

The current masterplan is to go to biweekly blogs, that are shorter, so can be slotted in to my routine easier. That's the plan for next week, where I'll blog early in the week with all the results that have built up, and hopefully this week's too.

Until that point however, here are this week's predictions:

Newcastle vs Chelsea - CHELSEA
Fulham vs Man Utd - MAN UTD
Hull vs Sunderland - HULL
Man City vs Norwich - MAN CITY
Stoke vs Southampton - SOUTHAMPTON
WBA vs Crystal Palace - WBA
West Ham vs Aston Villa - DRAW
Arsenal vs Liverpool - ARSENAL
Everton vs Spurs - DRAW
Cardiff vs Swansea - DRAW

Total odds to be updated

Good luck guys, and check back early next week for the results

Matchday 9: *insert clever title*

Just a quick post here because I'm shortly off to the world of Puskas, Kiraly's baggy grey trackies and unpronounceable football teams, so won't be putting up last week's results just yet.

They will be up as soon as possible however.

This week's predictions however, are as follows:

Crystal Palace vs Arsenal - ARSENAL
Aston Villa vs Everton - EVERTON
Liverpool vs WBA - LIVERPOOL
Man Utd vs Stoke - MAN UTD
Norwich vs Cardiff - DRAW
Southampton vs Fulham - SOUTHAMPTON
Sunderland vs Newcastle - NEWCASTLE
Chelsea vs Man City - DRAW
Swansea vs West Ham - SWANSEA
Spurs vs Hull - SPURS

Total odds: 635/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck guys!

The Big Results Catch Up & Matchday 8 Predos

I wanted to write last week with my thoughts on Jack Wilshere's opinion of who should be eligible to play for England, and the response from Kevin Pietersen (not a tiff, as the standard sensationalists would have you believe). Nationality is a complex topic, and one that will never be given a fair hearing when the following 3 things combine: 140 character limits, a press looking to create trouble (trouble = sales/clicks) and an inarticulate interviewee. However, given that the whole topic happened over a week ago, and there have been 2 batches of football matches in between, it would seem rather like going over old ground for no real reason other than I'd previously planned to. So I won't.

Even more spaces on the as-yet-unpuclished World Cup 2014 wallchart were filled in this week with the completion of most of the regional qualifying groups. I'm sure we'll be having a World Cup tournament here during the summer - something a little more rigorous than the sweepstake that saw Mexico lose me £20 at the last World Cup. Congrats to Bosnia & Hercegovina on qualifying for their first ever World Cup as an independent nation - Dzeko aside, I know nothing of their team, but they do a lovely range of flavoured local liqueurs if that's your thing. Their coffee is awful though. Travel tips the impossibilitee way...

This will be long enough post without further waffle, but it would be amiss not to mention England. For all the talk of Roy's pragmatism, it was yet another unbeaten qualification campaign and they scored more than double the number of goals Spain scored (having played 2 games more) - there is no chance that England will win in Brazil, but they won't lose every game 5-0 either. They are a solid knockout stage team, and the luck of the draw as much as anything else will determine whether it's a QF year, or whether they can join the pantheon of greats (nostalgic SF defeats in 1990 and 1996, stirring backing tracks, decades of crappy magazine footy shows on Sky1 with minor celebs talking about their memories of the campaign...on second thoughts...maybe qualifying wasn't so great after all...)

Enough...let's get statty:

Matchday 6:

This week, 26 people played
Most predicted result: Man United WIN (25/26)
Most disputed result: Hull vs West Ham (13-6-7 split)

Highest odds: Josh Daniels (6604/1)
Lowest odds: Steven Daniels (929/1)
Average odds: 2370/1

Best predictor: Me and Steven Daniels (7/10). Yes, Collins, I know before you start...
Worst predictor: Winters, Daniel Wigman, Menachem Grunewald & Charlie Rawson (3/10)
Average score: 4.42/10

Best predicted result:  Southampton & Liverpool WINS (22/26)
Worst predicted result: Aston Villa WIN (0/26)

Everyone's results:

Matchday7:

This week, 24 people played
Most predicted result: Liverpool WIN (24/24)
Most disputed result: Fulham vs Stoke (10-9-5 split)

Highest odds: Josh Daniels with a farcical 21,988/1
Lowest odds: Sam Ruback 680/1
Average odds: 5819/1 (3125 if the anomalies are discounted)

Best predictor: Lawro with a stonking 9/10 - only West Ham's win at White Hart Lane denied him!
Worst predictor: Feneley with a stinking 2/10
Average score: 5.21/10

Best predicted result: Liverpool WIn (24/24)
Worst predicted result: West Ham WIN (1/24 - well done to whoscored.com)

Everyone's results:

And now to the leaderboard, and as always, only those who have played >2/3 of weeks (or 5/7) are eligible. At this stage of the season, there are big movers every week, and Gaj is a prime example, dropping from the top to mid-table in just a couple of weeks. Still early days yet, however.

To this week's predictions:

Newcastle vs Liverpool - LIVERPOOL
Arsenal vs Norwich - ARSENAL
Chelsea vs Cardiff - CHELSEA
Everton vs Hull - EVERTON
Man Utd vs Southampton - MAN UTD
Stoke vs WBA - WBA
Swansea vs Sunderland - SWANSEA
West Ham vs Man City - MAN CITY
Aston Villa vs Spurs - DRAW
Crystal Palace vs Fulham - CRYSTAL PALACE

Total odds: 349/1 (PaddyPower)

That's your lot folks, good luck!

Matchday 7 Predictions - To Be Updated with Other stuff

This blog is going to just be a place-holder I'm afraid for now. I'm currently working a week on nights, and this leaves very little time for anything else - including sleeping unfortunately. So I'll just give the predictions now, and catch up with the results when I return to normal.

This week, my predictions are:

Man City vs Everton - MAN CITY
Cardiff vs Newcastle - DRAW
Fulham vs Stoke - STOKE
Hull vs Aston Villa - ASTON VILLA
Liverpool vs Crystal Palace - LIVERPOOL
Sunderland vs Man Utd - MAN UTD
Norwich vs Chelsea - CHELSEA
Southampton vs Swansea - DRAW
Spurs vs West Ham - DRAW
WBA vs Arsenal - ARSENAL

Total odds: 4,008/1 (PaddyPower)

It's 2.40 in the morning and I've just been called back. Check back tomorrow or over the weekend for last week's results

Good luck!

Matchday 6: Month 2 comes to a close

Friends, recently my life has taken a turn for the worst. Self-inflicted, undeniably but nevertheless, my sanity is being gradually eroded as a result of action I've recently taken.

I now listen to TalkSport in the car.

What an utter crock of 6 different types of farmyard manure, left to ferment and stew under an equatorial sun (obviously covered, or else it'd just dry out and your could use it for fuel or building houses or whatever, and I'm definitely not driving at it being a useful, innovative byproduct of life where resources are scarce. I digress).

Alan Brazil and whichever moron he's persuaded to roll out of bed that morning jabbering with inane cliches, with as much insight into a modern, professional game (instead of his dinosaur era 'bite-yer-legs' playing days) get me going before I've even got to work. It says a lot about you when Neil Warnock (FFS!!!!) is the most sane man on your show. But he's essentially harmless. The standard, better-in-our-day old pro struggling to retain the limelight. It's a shame they can't all be like gents of the game such as (former colleague) John Radford or (former Impossibilitee player, I should really give him a call) Sir Bobby Charlton, but such is life. However, he's nothing compared to the gobshite who ruins my commute home.

Adrian Durham. Clown Prince of c***** (my mother may well read this blog). A vicious little bugger if there ever was one, who together with the probably-not-racist-but-would-probably-at-least-entertain-the-BNP-canvasser-for-10-minutes-or-so-on-the-doorstep-and-may-offer-him-a-biscuit Darren Gough produce some of the most vapid, hypocritical broadcasting available in any country in the world. Thanks to TuneIn Radio (plug, sponsorship please), I've actually checked. 

Durham can never be wrong - when callers point out the errors in his warped logic, he verbally assaults them into submission with a mixture of low-grade insults and informing the caller that the verbatim quotation provided from 10 minutes earlier was never uttered by him at any point, ever. He'll have a bash at anyone and anything because it'll give him an extra 5 minutes of content, with no joined up thinking to a theory espoused earlier. He's a school bully, and part of me wants to call in and let rip, and most of me doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of getting a rise. So, I've ranted here, 'cos it's my blog and I want to; and otherwise I'd have to discuss the football and nothing major happened last week.

And I know I could switch to a different channel, but after experimenting I've come to the conclusion that they're all rubbish/repetitive and at least they choose new topics to be imbecilic about daily.

PS. Stan Collymore actually talks some sense, if occasionally a little communisty for my liking. Matt Holland's not terrible either, but just gets shouted down. 

PPS. Brendan Rogers should keep quiet. David Moyes should buy a Fergie mask and coat before training tomorrow so as to fool his squad into playing like the old days. Spurs are jammy, but deserved and Mouinho's a cock. And I know it's only 5 games in but whatever - we are top of the league, say we are top of the league!

Just be glad I didn't put an umlaut on every single 'o' in this piece.

Let's get statty:

This week, 26 people played

Most predicted result: Arsenal & Chelsea WINS (26/26)

Most disputed result: Norwich vs Aston Villa (7-9-9 split, one no result)

Highest odds: Josh Daniels 7040/1

Lowest odds: Will O' Doherty 1125/1

Average odds: 3458/1

Best predictor: Me, EuroClubIndex, Fink Tank, Yanik Joshi, Eli Daniels & Nathan Daniels (7/10)

Worst predictor: Nick Collins (2/10)

Average score: 5.35/10

Best predicted result: Arsenal & Chelsea WINS (26/26)

Worst predicted result: Southampton & Hull WINS (0/26)

Everyone's results:

To the leaderboard, and as always only those who have played >2/3 of games (or 4/5 so far) are eligible:

As one would expect, still pretty congested and at this stage, a couple of extreme results can cause major changes to the leaderboard.

This week's predictions:

Spurs vs Chelsea - DRAW

Aston Villa vs Man City - MAN CITY

Fulham vs Cardiff - CARDIFF

Hull vs West Ham - HULL

Man Utd vs WBA - MAN UTD

Southampton vs Palace - SOUTHAMPTON

Swansea vs Arsenal - ARSENAL

Stoke vs Norwich - DRAW

Sunderland vs Liverpool - LIVERPOOL

Everton vs Newcastle - EVERTON

Total odds: 1715/1 (PaddyPower)

Final order of business - This is the last set of predictions in September and therefore the last opportunity to enter the pay game. Thanks to those who have already paid their entrance fee, and those who have indicated a willingness to me - I'll chase you up once I know everyone who is in. If you haven't yet done so, please indicate with your predictions this week if you're keen and I'll chase you next week.

Good luck guys.

Matchday 4 Results & Matchday 5 Predos: Ain't nobody perfect

So the first fixtures after the transfer window shut have left an interesting shadow behind - the 2 Merseyside clubs are the only teams to remain undefeated, with Liverpool failing to win for the first time this season. Chelsea hammered away at Goodison, but Naismith's success where Eto'o had previously failed made Mou appear pretty helpless on the touchline.

Özil required 10 minutes to make his first impact in English football before Ramsey secured the points, compounding Atkinson's sole error in not playing on (for me, how you could penalise Sagna or Altidore against the other when they were both grappling in the same, illegal way - and as for a red card....do me a favour, it's quite clearly not a DOGSO when the 'foul' occurs). Eriksen looked sik tings at the Lane, and Gylfi obviously finally managed to swing back via Reading to collect his shooting boots. Ashley Young got his first dive of the season under his belt, then succumbed to gravity rather quickly a few minutes later - a foul was fair, but the decision to give a penalty was poor. The game, however will be remembered, for an outstandingly terrible bit of headgear from Rooney - could Cech not have lent him his scrum cap? City continue there remarkably average start to the season, whilst Newcastle seem to have got stronger by doing literally nothing. The promoted sides were understandably favourites to go down at the start of the season - and don't seem to be doing much to alter that opinion. Finally - I had a feeling Southampton vs West Ham would be one of those cracking games between similarly matched clubs. God I was wrong.

Let's get statty:

This week, 28 people played
The most popular result was Man Utd WIN (28/28)
The most disputed result was Hull vs Cardiff (8-11-9 split)

The highest odds were from Tarek Najm (4740/1)
The lowest odds were from Dan Grabiner (541/1)
Average odds: 2392/1

Best predictor: Tarek (7/10)
Worst predictors: EuroClubIndex, Fink Tank, Will O Doherty, Nathan Daniels & Sam Ruback
Average score: 4.43/10

Best predicted result: Man Utd WIN (28/28)
Worst predicted result: Newcastle & Everton WINS (1/28 - congrats Tarek & Doron)

Everyone's results:

Now the leaderboard (updated to include Yanik's results from M3, sorry...)

Possibly the most people we've ever had on a leaderboard - thought very early days still!

Another reminder too about the pay game - thanks to those who've already paid - but a few more makes the pot even larger! Let me know if you're in and we'll sort the payment out.

To this week's predictions:

Norwich vs Aston Villa

Liverpool vs Southampton

Newcastle vs Hull

WBA vs Sunderland

West Ham vs Everton

Chelsea vs Fulham

Arsenal vs Stoke

Crystal Palace vs Swansea

Cardiff vs Spurs

Man City vs Man Utd

I'll be filling mine out later in the week.

Good luck as always.

Matchday 3 Results, the first leaderboard of the season and Matchday 4 Predos

It's been 2 weeks since I last put digital ink to virtual paper, and we have all learnt much during this time. I'd wager that the red half of North London have now all learnt the keyboard shortcut for 'ö' for their own computer (alt +0246 for windows, folks), I reckon that most have learnt that TalkSport really is a load of old camel knackers, and I personally have learnt that the internet ain't what it used to be.

There were plenty of  occasions last year where I left the data entry until I came to write the blog. Painstakingly, I trawled through the twitter feed of Collywobbles, or searched through BBC archives for the correct week of Lawro's predictions. This year, however, little joy is to be found - due to my own tardiness, there are significantly fewer 'experts' in last week's results than usual. The lesson has been learned - from now, those passive players will be canvassed in a timely fashion.

That said - I think they did well out of this one. I'm not entirely sure what's going on this season, but a fair few of us are struggling to get out of our strides. A few weeks into the season, and the creaking predictions of pre-season must, surely, now be oiled out. Pretty please? 'cos I'm not sure I can take another week's abysmal score.

Let's get statty:

This week, 22 players played
The most popular predicted results were West Ham & Man City WINS (21/22)
The most disputed result was WBA vs Swansea (8-8-6 split)

The highest odds were Jonny Chernick (7616/1)
The lowest odds were Sam Ruback (2008/1)
The average odds were 4158/1

The best predictors were Eli Daniels & Lawro (6/9)
The worst predictor was Daniel Wigman & Dan Grabiner (1/9)
Average score this week: 3.45/9

Best predicted result: Man City WIN (21/22)
Worst predicted result: Stoke WIN (0/22)

Everyone's results:

And, as promised, the first leaderboard of the season. As always, to qualify for the leaderboard, you have to have participated in >2/3 of available matchdays - or this week, in all 3 weeks.

Very good start for last season's whipping boys, Jonny & Tarek. I've got my customary slow start, but as all good Liverpool fans know, this year could be our (my) year.

This week's predictions are as follows:

Man Utd vs Crystal Palace - MAN UTD

Aston Villa vs Newcastle - ASTON VILLA

Fulham vs WBA - DRAW

Hull vs Cardiff - CARDIFF

Stoke vs Man City - MAN CITY

Sunderland vs Arsenal - ÖRSENAL

Spurs vs Norwich - SPURS

Everton vs Chelsea - CHELSEA

Southampton vs West Ham - DRAW

Swansea vs Liverpool - DRAW

Total odds: 2652/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck guys, and normal service will be resumed next week (experts are already in the database!)